i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
