Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
