haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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