who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
