in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
