I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
