Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
