He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
