Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
