Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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