I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
