mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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