He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
