I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do herpes really smell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
