I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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