Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
