Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
