I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
