nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
