Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
