Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
