So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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