so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
