I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
