No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He did a backflip because drugs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
