Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
