Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
