The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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