Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
