I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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