in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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