Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
