So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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