It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
