don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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