omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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