is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
