I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
