Non-Jews are for practice
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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