New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
