I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
