from now on my penis is your penis
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
