A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
