You made me cry and you don't even care
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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