for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
