UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
