The maid of honor just puked.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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