I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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