Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
