I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
