After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
