My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
