I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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